my life at 143

during this past summer i'm on my my to a friends. it's a little later in the evening, i'm on the highway with an open road in front of me and some guy in another sports car along side of me who obviously wants to race me. now for some reason (believe me this is not anywhere near regular occurrence as i usually keep racing activities restricted to the track) i decide to take off. ok ok i already suspect that unless he's done more mods than the ones i can see, i pretty much already know the outcome. before i know it i'm coming up on the next group of cars at 143 (digital readout)... he of course is behind me and is obviously not capable of passing me. we both slow and he comes along side, gives me props and drives on. that felt great but what the heck was i doing? it was indeed quite exhilarating... the thrill of competition and speed, an increased heart rate, an arousal to another level of consciousness, a quickening of focus, a chemical reaction; of adrenalin, testosterone and whatever, a taste of forbidden fruit along with an awareness of minimal danger to me or any innocent parties gives me what? a need for more? another taste? am i talking about my car anymore? nope...
One could say that i've been very fortunate in my life, i've driven a race car, had people pay to come watch me perform music on stage, won several toy of the year awards (yes professionally i am a toy designer,) the "company" of a particularly extra ordinary woman (maybe again that's what this is really about)... but where really has that gotten me? exactly. it just occurred to me that it sounds like i'm bragging, i could have just said that i've had several accomplishments that people might envy, i could've used other things that do indeed value, i am a christian, i have an awesome relationship with my young daughter (but not her mother heh,) some really good friends and a very cool cat (if you've "met" her you know this to be true.) i didn't, i choose things that fed my head not my heart (which illustrates my point even better than what i had planned...) am i doing ok? how close to balance in my life am i? am i as much an "addict" as some blog friends claim to be? is there a car crash coming... i hope not. please Lord protect me from myself.

dont be a stranger
brian