TWO posts today! wow a record

responding to boabhansith's book game
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

And they had Sister Suzie the Floozie. She's our latest professional SubGenius preacher and she's great, a very talented writer. She's an ex-stripper.

overheard today

between a woman and her (i'm guessing) 6 or so year old son at the food court in the mall.

woman - come on finish up we've got to get to the card store
kid - i dont wanna go to the card store
w - i didn't ask you if you wanted to go to the card store
k - do i get a toy
w - somebody died i have to buy a card
k - then i can get a toy?
w - (somewhat perturbed) don't you think that's a little self centered?
k - ?????
w - well???
k - (tentatively) so i get a toy?
w - (a little more than perturbed) no you don't get a toy. i need to find a card that says "i'm sorry your uncle died and that you're sad but he's living in heaven with God now having a good time"
k - ...

at this point i couldn't listen anymore because i might have gotten up and told the woman she was a moron. period.

btw... got my eyebrows waxed today... gosh am i good looking.

don't be a stranger
brian

monkey theft....

thought i'd mix it up for a change

micheal jackson calls 366 possible defence witnesses??? are there 366 people in the world that don't think he's a fruit loop? calling kobe bryant as a character witness??? are you fricken nuts?

true story. as i was heading back to work from lunch i see this guy walk out from between two parked cars right into the side of a van... which was moving. talk about dumb luck. emphasis on dumb.

katie you're a dunce. a van plunges 400 feet down a ravine feet off of a slushy road and you ask them if there was any screaming on the way down.... um.. helloooo... anyway, geez don't these people know about guard rails?

the kingdom of loathing a good place for some near mindless fun.. the chat is great too.

i knew this wasn't going to be that easy... but still my hat's off to monkey

damn i need one more funny thing.. think think think. frick.. there's no coffee in this house... that's it. i'm firing the cat. lazy bizzatch.

my appologies to the writers of all the great new blogs who's links i haven't put up yet. but i've got to get to my hair cut appointment... oh the pleasure and the pain

dont be a stranger
brian

fine. go ahead and laugh

Ok. i get my hair cut at this kinda cool place. i go there because the women are all hotties, most of them are quite funny, the price is fair, they are all hotties, they make me look good and they are all hotties. now this one chick usually cuts my hair is running late (I think that she was making a lunch run,) so the owner says "come on over bri and i'll get you started sammi will be back in a minute" whoo hoo... i'm being pampered. so she starts washing and razzing me as she always does (she once pulled up along side my car at a stop light, rolled down her window and yelled “hey! nice blue penis.” (i have a witness to this.)) i notice that one of the other chicks keeps looking at me as in "eye contact." then she walks by three or four times with the same thing going on. so obviously you know there are all sorts of guy thoughts running through my head while vanessa is chatting away washing my hair..
a side note.. i LOVE to have my head rubbed... back to the story.
so finally this chick stops and looks me full in the face... my heart skips and are you ready? here's the discourse

chick #1 – “have you ever had your eyebrows waxed?”
me in shock – “why no”
vanessa – “you know bri you need to get those puppies taken care of.. they are a bit out of control.. you're a good looking guy, but with nice eyebrows... i'd do you.”
me – “oh really, i thought you were attached.”
vanessa – “come on, all of the guys are doing it these days. It’s very metro. just let her do it. you won't be sorry. it doesn't hurt.”

Um… let's stop this right here.. any ladies reading this know that is a lie from the pit of hell... but innocent little me? not a clue.. on with the story

Me – well ok.
Chick #1 – “ok put your head back and relax” (this should have been the second warning sign) she applies warm wax between my browse.
Vanessa – watches intently
Me – “mmmmmm”
Chick #1 – applies cloth thing to wax
Me – “that feels really go…”
Chick #1 – pulls cloth in one quick maneuver seemingly ripping the entirety of my forehead from my face
Me – “Shhhhhhhhhhhiii - OOOOOWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
Vanessa – laughing “oh come on don’t be a pussy.”
Me- “holy crap that hurt”
Chick #1 – “awww. it’s not that bad. I get a bikini wax done all the time, can you imagine me at the beach with out one?”
Me - …
Chick #1 – “well?”
Me – “let me tell you that there have not been very many times in my life that I have been speechless but you well…”
Chick #1 – giggles and proceeds to do the tops and bottoms.
Me – “so Vanessa..”
Vanessa – “go sit in sammi’s chair.”
Me - “dang”

what's the point of this?
it doesn't have one...
just go ahead and laugh. but do leave comments!

don't be a stranger

innocent bystander? you be the judge

why is it those people who have nothing at all to say but feel an undeniable urge to spew words from their upper orifices they pick me as a victim? i don't want to be an axe.. i don't want to be impolite.. i do like like communicating with people who are interesting and sure.. ok i know i can be long winded at times and take a side road to get to a point or finish a story but i think i'm interesting.. please tell me i'm not one of those people...

- look man that eye contact was purely accidental not a solicitation for you to enlighten me with dissertations of everything behind why chemical sales are off this year, does my eyes glazing over and you hearing me say "uh-huh uh-huh" every once in a while even remotely sound like i'm feigning interest?

- hey, i was sitting here relaxing, it wasn't an invitation for you to come over and tell me how mitsubishi is in trouble because you think they make crappy cars and they haven't had more than one successful model.. i don't care.. i don't even drive one.. what did you say your name was?... oh gosh did i just ask a question inviting even more vomitous rhetoric.

- come one diarrhea mouth... I asked you how you were doing did that sound like i wanted to hear you tell me the story behind every single thing that you bought your girlfriend's kid for Christmas. so you waited in lines, that was months ago... hey bud, do you know what soliloquy is... this started out as a nice conversation but now i think i gone flatli............ beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

i seem to be a little grumpy today..
better head back for one of those dale carnegie refreshers

don't be a stranger

so what time is it???

so i'm reading this blog and they mention how they couldn't sleep and post a list. after reading it this morning, i think to myself, hey i couldn't sleep last nite either (i was up well past three.) which gets me thinking about "the night" and how things seem to change. more specifically, how my thinking changes with the nite... up to this point i've made my living using my creativity during the day and i guess i've just now realized how much differently i think at nite. it's when i write almost all of my music.. it's a whole different world, it's mysterious... it's like there is a depth of passion and energy just around the corner waiting for me...
like..
looking at the stars on a crisp nite and think about the infinite
being at the beach listening to the water.. just listening and enjoying the phosphorescence of the waves and the feel of wet sand..
being in the woods hearing the deafening night sounds with your eyes straining to see.. something.. anything.. it's so big... but your box is so small.
going to a small city which empties during the night, thinking about what a contrast that is from the day..
or a large city where there is zest, gusto, fun and laughter to be had among countless people, countless lights...
being in my studio watching the cool lights in the meters jump up and down at my command and the sound of my music in my head...
and that special place after the storm there's a quiet spot in the night where you can trace the lines of your lovers body, feel her warmth, let her scent work it's magic..

the night... sometimes it's so thick that you can almost reach out and touch it.. grab it.. embrace it.

of course the night can suck too...

don’t be a stranger…

'bout fricken time....

ok. so i have some "Free" time on my hands and a friend who owns a butcher shop/deli asks me to go pick up some produce for him (my 2nd vehicle is a pick up truck) and i agree. off i go and nearly get back to the store without any mishap. then this song (by the bloodhound gang) comes on the radio and well.. i've always liked it.. hey its catchy (and if you've read here before and know the song you know why i identify with the song. ) you know the one... the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, the roof, the roof, the roof, is on fire, we don't need no water let the mother (donkey sound effect here so the song can actually get air play) burn, burn mother (donkey sound again) burn. like i said.. it's catchy.. you gotta believe me on this one. so i get back to the store (i don't know why he calls it a store.. it's a butcher shop with an eat in deli,) and i'm singing the song as i'm walking in (the clean version of course and not really all that loudly anyway.) i suddenly notice the place has gone very quiet and i look up to see what's going on an lo and behold it looks like a state fire marshal convention in the place.. seems every fire marshal, deputy fire marshal and arson squad member from the state of Rhode Island is eating lunch in the place.. or rather was eating lunch until i came in singing that stupid song.. now they're all staring at me... what's up with that?

so for you wondering what i've been up to??? not much really but i've missed you.. really.
there is a new song.. lemme know what you think.

Can't you see

don't be a stranger
brian