ying yang and need a name

my daughter and i were out for a little trick or treat action and of course we came across all sorts of people; nice, nasty, pushy, those in need of ca-andy and those filling that need... but the best thing we saw was this little kid, he was tiny, couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 and he's dressed all in black including shoes and hood except for this truly gruesome green mask... now the good part is that he's skipping alongside of his father singing some unintelligible happy little kid song in his cutest little voice...

Oh man... this kid's really got something here... he apparently has all of his crap together. much more so than i... i stop dead in my tracks thinking to myself that he's indeed a master. he's got the whole ying yang thing all worked out... perfect balance... i ought to take lessons. wonder what he charges?

speaking of singing... i've done some more work on that song. please give it a listen and let me know what you think.
also, i'm trolling for names for it.. how about a suggestion or two?

download song here

don't be a stranger
brian

c.) all of the above -or- this old blog

well, i have not been doing this blog thing for that long but i'm finding it's done me some good.
1. i get to either vent, make a statement, have a little fun or maybe c. - all of the above, as the mood strikes me.
2. in doing the above i get to organize my thoughts and hopefully somehow enhance the lives of others.... i like that
3. speaking of others.. this is where it gets weird because i, like many others (i'm guessing,) have formed a gang of aquantences or maybe friends even. how does this happen.. i know these people mostly by swapping text.. to me, a hands on kinda guy, if find that odd. heck some of them i don't even know what they look like. well. they don't know what i look like either.. that clown in the corner is not me.. it's buster my main man. so who are some of these people?
howard who is a gem of a man both wise and creative. i love him
bryan - honest, goofy, creative, genuine, serious and wants to be in love... we could be kindred.. time will tell
cedia - the hot yet married boot wearing eastern babe with a great sense of humor.. i'll have you know that's 4 for 5 in things that i really like in a woman... got any sisters?
aaron and amber - two seperate souls struggling to serve God despite their own short comings, both closer and wiser than they might think.
eleses - i read his writing and can't help but think that we share much... i almost feel sorry for him.. lol
monkey - this guy keeps a very interesting and diverse blog... is that how his brain works?

there are of course others but these are the people who i've made connections with.. thanks guys.

don't be a stranger
brian

over simplification

enjoy thursday... it's the day before friday.
not a day like wednesday which changes its mind about being in the front or back half of the week depending which is to its advantage when everyone knows it's still of the left hand side of the week.
this message was paid for by the day after wednesday society
hi, i'm thursday and i approve of this message...

it's almost nonsense
isn't one day like the rest in so many different ways
over simplification? maybe... maybe not.
don't be a stranger
brian

pumpkins and tigers and dinettes... oh my

so i decide to go to the "pumpkin spectacular" at the zoo... it's advertised as having over 5000 jack o lanterns, anyway, some friends went last year and said it was great... i figure what the heck.. how bad can it be? well, first before i really get started, it was ok. i mean i enjoyed the company i was with and some of the pumpkins and the displays were impressive... but... it cost $12 a person to get in to wait in a line that was nearly a mile long and an hours worth of wait. plus a local furniture superstore had a big screen tv playing what amounted to commercials (cleverly disguised as shorts about pumpkin carving and stuff.) it was positioned so that it was nearly impossible to avoid. ok, so that's a little scary..
finally we get into the display area and the pumpkins are arranged by theme.. and apparently the overall theme of this years display is not who can carve the scariest or funniest pumpkin but cultural diversity (ok so that's a little scary too)... there's a sections of carved pumpkins for among others, italy, germany (how nice to see you mr beethoven,) france (yes there's a carving of the eiffel tower.. how nice,) britian (the obligatory princess Diana pumpkin... now we're really starting to talk scary...) the egypt section (oh yes there are the pyramids and ol king tut hisself.. just grand isn't it) and yes there's even a grecian section.. complete with the greek flag pumpkin..(i can hear it now... ok dear what shall we carve into our pumpkin this year?.. a scary or funny face??? naahh.. too typical and besides that satan thing's been done... i know, how about the greek flag??? that should really scare the poop out the kids this year... what do you think?) i must note here that i am not "for" anything satanic, quite the contrary, but i don't think that scary pumpkins are gernerally harmful to anyone.
the grand finale is the american section complete with bald eage, soldier stationed in iraq, abe lincoln and you guessed it john kerry... AAAHHHHHHH! where's bush?.. oh yeah this is rhode island.. the liberalest state in the union...
but prior to that monstrosity is the animal section... oh there's a penguin, an owl, oh look there's mr elephant right next to the gorilla. and well i'll be.. what are all of those people crowding around over there.. oh! it's a pumpkin with an image of the same tiger that is on one of those rug like wall hangings that someone of lesser taste might buy at say.. k-mart.. and these people (who undoubtedly own and proudly display said wall hanging over the head board of their beds) and they are all taking photos of it... now that's really some scary crap... so where's the lesson here.. seriously... there but for the grace of God go i... and that pertains to a lot more than just having bad taste...

dont be a stranger
brian

a song sketch

just something i've been working on and still am...
give it a listen and comment if you want..
it's 3.9 meg in size

download rock song

if anyone knows how to EMBED mp3 files here or another way to get them to play.. i'd be glad to know

dont be a stranger
brian

frankenstein vs my little pony or when not to laugh

i 'm helping out a friend who owns a butcher/deli shop cut and wait on customers as i do on occasion. (he doesn't usually pay me but i do usually get some great steaks and stuff.) so anyway, the place is mobbed with people and i'm working at the cutting table trying to get a special order done before the guy comes in and one of the kitchen guys (skippy, who is a very nice guy but has some rough edges to him) has been drafted to help with customers. the guy upon whom he is waiting, a regular and has unbeknownst to him and me, has tourettes syndrome (not the swearing kind but the sometimes i can't control my actions kind.)
here's what happened
skippy - asks him what he wants
the guy - points to some sirloin steaks and mumbles something.
skippy - sirloin strips? how many
the guy - points to the steaks again and makes a frankenstein kinda noise (mmmmmmph)
me - at this point this event has really caught my attention and i'm being careful not to slice into any brian flesh
skippy - how many?
the guy - another frankenstein noise followed by a whinny noise and a head shake and horse blow sort of noise.
me - i am stunned. i've not witnessed this... ever. i know it would be wrong to laugh (out loud) so i don't. i try desperately to concentrate on what i am doing.
the guy- more frankenstein and horse noises now with added foot stamping
skippy - makes eye contact with me with a bewildered expression on his face
me - i try to make a subtle "i don't know what's happening here but i'm glad that you're waiting on him" type face back at skippy and pretend to go back to cutting
skippy - asks the guy "do you want to pick them out?"
the guy - points to the steaks whinnies and stomps his foot four times...
skippy - ever quick to react says... "four?"
they guy - whinnies and blows
skippy hands the guy his four steaks and pretending nothing out of the ordinary has happened moves to the next customer who is equally stunned.
me - i continue cutting, and sort of put everything into remission as i finish up the order.

some ten minutes later i walk back to the kitchen to see if i can get some lunch... skippy looks at me with the same face and it all comes back... seeing that i found that one of the funniest things that i have ever actually witnessed, i find myself doubled over laughing uncontrollably with my sides hurting and tears streaming from my eyes. now understand that i do not think that i am a mean person and i was not laughing at the guy or his condition but the circumstance itself, which was funny.... i think if it were me in the guy's place, i'm not sure but i might not mind too much if people found me funny as long as they weren't mean or hateful about it. i myself think that it is a gift to be able to make people laugh but i could see how the guy might think otherwise. thoughts?

dont be a stranger
brian

my life at 143

during this past summer i'm on my my to a friends. it's a little later in the evening, i'm on the highway with an open road in front of me and some guy in another sports car along side of me who obviously wants to race me. now for some reason (believe me this is not anywhere near regular occurrence as i usually keep racing activities restricted to the track) i decide to take off. ok ok i already suspect that unless he's done more mods than the ones i can see, i pretty much already know the outcome. before i know it i'm coming up on the next group of cars at 143 (digital readout)... he of course is behind me and is obviously not capable of passing me. we both slow and he comes along side, gives me props and drives on. that felt great but what the heck was i doing? it was indeed quite exhilarating... the thrill of competition and speed, an increased heart rate, an arousal to another level of consciousness, a quickening of focus, a chemical reaction; of adrenalin, testosterone and whatever, a taste of forbidden fruit along with an awareness of minimal danger to me or any innocent parties gives me what? a need for more? another taste? am i talking about my car anymore? nope...
One could say that i've been very fortunate in my life, i've driven a race car, had people pay to come watch me perform music on stage, won several toy of the year awards (yes professionally i am a toy designer,) the "company" of a particularly extra ordinary woman (maybe again that's what this is really about)... but where really has that gotten me? exactly. it just occurred to me that it sounds like i'm bragging, i could have just said that i've had several accomplishments that people might envy, i could've used other things that do indeed value, i am a christian, i have an awesome relationship with my young daughter (but not her mother heh,) some really good friends and a very cool cat (if you've "met" her you know this to be true.) i didn't, i choose things that fed my head not my heart (which illustrates my point even better than what i had planned...) am i doing ok? how close to balance in my life am i? am i as much an "addict" as some blog friends claim to be? is there a car crash coming... i hope not. please Lord protect me from myself.

dont be a stranger
brian

damn...

why did you have to write that post bryan???? i was doing fine, just going along here trying to work things out... trying to get over her... i thought i was there... i just told myself today "that door is closed" and i almost believed it. until your post. hey, i'm not trying to make you feel sad or responsible... you shouldn't be and you're not. i'm only venting what's inside me... this is about me. . so why aren't we together??.... i'm not who she's looking for??... why is the physical so good? why do we enjoy each other's company so? why can't we go for too long without being together? why? why? why????... crap...

but then again maybe this is a product of the wine.. i hope so, because it will all be better tomorrow.. or the next day. God help me.

dont be a stranger
brian

i'm not proud of this

but.. i went to BK for lunch today (it wasn't my choice) and so i'm half joking with a friend...
"i'll have a whopper jr meal please
"would you like to super size that?"
we get a small chuckle out of that...
then i finally earn my spot at the hallowed point of order and yes i'd like a number 3 (whopper jr value meal) and what do you suppose happens??? you guessed it...
"would you like cheese on that?"
"no thank you (i'm not really believing that it's actual cheese anyway)"
"would you like that regular, large, or supersize?"
"um.. regular please" (I know that your only trying to appease the king by selling more stuff but hey... it's a whopper JR... i'm trying to minimize the crap that i'm going to ingest. oh wait.. maybe i'd just love a refillable gallon sized cup of soda and a pick up truck load of french fried potatoey sort of things. at least i think they have some sort of potato-ness about them... i'm a cynic remember?) now i'm not trying to say that i don't enjoy BK once in a while. but isn't that sort of an insult to my intelligence. sort of?? did i say sort of?do i look like one of those people who go back for a refill on their diet soda... hmmmm.
"for here or to go?"
oh definitely for here... i want to do some people watching...

On another more serious front... sometimes it's easier to see the foolishness of others... even society in general... but it's not so easy to see how you yourself may have been foolish or unwise about something... heck.. especially if you are "comfortable." it either takes some unbiased self examination, the counsel of someone you trust or perhaps both. i always thought that i was pretty smart and a step above the norm and pretty much incapable of fooling myself... the farther i get the more foolish i see that to be.... so who's up for some people watching???

don't be a stranger
brian

learning new kung foo moves

you've seen these automatic paper towel dispensers right? man are these things the scourge of the earth? you either wave your dripping wet hands in front of this one eyed design element device that dispenses a premeasured amount (which is not nearly enough) of paper towel for you to dry with. but wait, if you don't want to do the dripping hand wave, you can either flap your elbows at it like some kind of water fowl or invent some type of a kung fu like dance to activate the sensor. AND... if you actually want to get a sufficient amount of drying material... well, you'll have to go through a slightly more involved process of waiting for the dispensational cycle to end, pulling on the towel and only then do you get to repeat the whole wave (or martial arts dance) maneuver. who's bright idea was this? and just what are these things supposed to prove? are they supposed to save someone money, make someone money, or just show that the particular establishment is technically savy? hey did you see our new paper towel dispensers... they match our new g5s. i know there has to be some kind of learning to be had here... can someone please help me see it???

it's ok to be strange just...
dont be a stranger
brian

where is the joy in being a cynic?

i used to think that being a cynic was indeed a blessing. see, you have the ability to question things and if you are smart... you question things and then look for an answer. it can lead you to be able to problem solve and to see through things that aren't right. it can help you to be an individual... a "pepper" if you will (for those who remember the old dr pepper ads.) but a cynic can question everything. and that can promptly lead to over thinking everything... i wonder what the root of this is? human pride... the need to be able to know what is true (i mean being correct not the absolute of Truth,) because sometimes the knowledge just isn't there to be had or understood and other people actually can be right sometimes. questioning everything and not knowing everything can make you appear critical and look like a jerk.. did i say "appear" and "look like"? maybe i meant "be." how does God figure into my being a cynic? did he create me this way or is it a fault? is it something i imposed on myself, part of my broken human condition? i don't know why there are so many questions without answers... i think He did create me with the ability or desire to question things, search for truth and to problem solve, but maybe i've overstepped the boundary and once again and achieved imbalance in yet another area of my life... OK here's the premise i'm going to operate under; questioning things and searching for the truth in things isn't bad if you are searching for truth, not just for the sake of either being right or being seen as smart enough to intelligently challenge a statement or thing. you know, the more i think about this the more i see how cleverly we can disguise and hide our pride from ourselves.. that can't be a good thing. So, again I only see one way.. Onward.

dont be a stranger
brian

everyone needs friends

well, it's true. friends can be a quite a blessing in times of pain, times of joy and everything in between. i'm talking about true friends here. those that accept you for you are, faults and all with few or no conditions. i find myself fortunate and blessed to have a few friends like that... thank you Lord.

but what happens when you are a guy and you have a close friend that... well is not? is there always going to be an implied or impending "desire" for physical contact and more than friendship the closer the relationship gets? yes, i said relationship... that is what a friendship is you know. of course i am speaking in general terms (or am i?) my own personal experience aside, i'm going to assume that every situation and person is different and i'm even going to assume that there may be some people that can actually handle a purely platonic close friendship with a member of the "opposite" sex without wanting them (even a little, because doesn't that have the potential to spoil everything?) i wonder...


don't be a stranger
brian

one way ticket

seems like life has gotten hard lately. i do have a relationship with Jesus, a daughter that i love very much, a few good skills (everyone needs some skills) some very good friends and a bunch of good stuff, but where is the joy and happiness? i should be counting myself blessed and possibly fortunate... heck i should feel comfortable. maybe that's the problem, the fear of losing my comfort zone. who really likes change? especially for the worse... heh? well, i don't and there has been plenty of change in my life over the past couple or three years including a divorce and all that goes along with it. there have been a couple of relationships since but let's just say that the chemistry has been either inert or rather volatile... no nice sustained reactions... yet. so where does this leave me? am i looking for or depending on people, circumstance and things to make me happy? ieeeee, i hope not. i realize that they help but that to depend on them is pretty much a mistake. to tell you the truth i really didn't think that i was, but considering my general unhappiness, i'm really questioning that. maybe this thing is chemical, eh.. probably not. more importantly where does God figure into this? have i tried to shuffle Him off to sit in a corner of my life where he can spring out and save me when i need Him? or is He watching me like a father watches His child, letting me make my own choices and trying to give me guiding advice which i can choose to listen to if i want? or is He much more active with a definite plan, controlling and leading me into situations which are designed to shape me into the person that He wants me to be for His good and mine? i almost hope it's the latter but is there any way to really know? i don't think so and i see that there is only one choice here... Onward.

don't be a stranger
brian

welcome

hello. i assume that if you're reading this you must be suffering from some type of sleep apnea or something.. sorry just kidding. i suppose i could spout off my views on the upcoming election... i've been pretty much an in and out of the closet republican my entire life.. this year though, i wish i could believe kerry. i've heard him talk about a plan for this and a plan for that... where's the substance? i do like what i've heard him say regarding the ecomomy, mainly stemming the off shore outsourcing of jobs. i think it's absolutely needed and soon. i'd almost surrender any chance of conservative supreme court justices for that. however, given the man's history and character... i just don't believe him. and i'll not vote for him because of it.

well it's off to try to try to make my life happen...
don't be a stanger
brian