Where we meet Jim.

Yesterday began with an early start..

Mornings routine complete and were on the road by 9 30.

Seems we're surrounded by mountains but its pretty flat and there is very little traffic.

The grades start up and over through and down a very very long grade to salt lake basin.

Grey skies and grades

Salt lake home of..... Salt.

We pass on the south shore of the lake and see some  mountains in the distance.  It must be Nevada.

53 miles later we reach those mountains... 

Yes, you could see mountains 53 miles away.  It's that flat.

We pass the bonneville salt flats, pricsilla hits 88 miles per hour and we time travel back an hour into another zone.

There are many up hill grades and some get us and some of the few trucks around down to about 40 mph. Then we get to the part of Nevada which is more of the same. It's flat and empty with mountains off in the distance.  but you occasionally pass an exit that looks like it would take you to nowhere or to nothing or some hugeass factory complex way off in the distance. We pass Elko which was plan A and I still am feeling quite good. we press on.  we also pass through plan B battle mountain (home of them ten dollar lap dance and some bird hunt tournament and decide well head towards lovelock even though the single rv camp is not answering the phone.

We are greeted by a very friendly Jim who turns out to be the caretaker.  He takes our info and tells us to go to slot three.  Seems like this place has seen better days but is well kept and feels full of promise.

Seems that all the other residents here are sort of permanent and either work at the mine or the prison which we passed earlier on the high way.  We make dinner and start making tomorrows plans. lula needs to walk and we run into Jim and end up sharing beers tequila and stories after we are invited into his fenced in yard.

Turns out he was born in Arkansas but was raised and has lived "everywhere else". He is quite a character full of life charm and anecdotes.  he's a warm hearted retired trucker turned camp manager willing to share what he has.  He's not pushing any agenda other than enjoy your life and what you have.  He and his wife entertain us in their yard and there is laughter well into the evening.  He tells us of the prison minister and how its full of pretty bad people like OJ (simpson i assume.)  Most memorable is his tale of Ol Scratch, a cat he once had that "jumped out of a moving truck cab winder which was cranked down about yay much". This happened on a dock in New Orleans.  He and his wife decided to spend the night on the dock with permission hoping the cat would come back to its food bowl, which it did.  The next morning as they are leaving the docks the cat again jumps out of the moving cab window and James (as his wife calls him) yells after the cat "I hope you like norleens ya damn cat".  I would go out of my way to stop here again.  This is a missing slice of America.

 Turns out we can make soquel in about six hours according to google.  Nancy and i discuss and neither of us are convinced we can maintain the speed as we still have the Sierra Nevada mountains to cross. They are about as high as we've been but nancy tells me the grades are steeper and more frequent.  Anything over 6 hours puts us on hi way 17 over the Santa cruz "hill" at rush hour. In priscilla? No thank you.  We decide to have an easy drive and try to spend the last night someplace in the mountains. Jim has already shown us just about every alternate route and passable back road on his atlas but in the end we all decide that 80 to 680 to 17 will work best.  

We'll let you know what happens.

I don't even know where the heck we are....

Western Wyoming some where... Evanston I think.  

The day began at 7277 ft above sea level with Overcast skies with sprinkles and we restock in downtown Laramie after the daily routine of breaking camp and washing and rain ex ing the wind shield.  

It's relatively flat but it looks like we're in for some rain and terrain change.

After the rain we come to some gentle grades as we wind through hills, buttes and mountains.  We can see  much higher mountains to the south and think how beautiful it would be to drive through them.  The the combination of several thoughts like the road grades, our destination and the remoteness sobers me and I'm thankful for I-80. 

We come to two particularly tough uphill grades.  I've learned that when Wyoming decides the highway needs a climbing lane, they are deadly serious.  The first grade was about five miles long and Priscilla was down to 45 and second gear. I couldn't find the elevation but it must have been something.  You could notice the angle of the trees on the side of the road. The second grade was a couple three miles long and would have been worth more mention if it weren't for that first one.  Then it was down hill to Evanston and our days rest.  Very early to bed for me.  Wyoming is beautiful but exhausting.

Today our plans are to make it through Utah, the Mormons and the salt flats into Nevada.  I'm hoping to get to at least elko possibly battle mountain maybe farther.  Well see what cowboy land has to say about that.

Laramie it is.

After coffee, Zinnia comes by with her mom who was equally as delightful and then we break camp and git along through the western portion of Nebraska which we find to be flat and full of corn.  The choice of radio station becomes even more bleak with far fewer stations.  The positive side was that it was supremely funny to go through the fm scan function and hear only snippets of songs... The best series was probably "a twelve pack of king beer in the pack of my truck" followed by "the bible has no errors in it but how could you know and what would it matter if you never even open it" then "biscuits 'n gravy, grits on mah plate and a waitress who calls me baby" and "hot and breezy but don't dismiss the possibility of a late afternoon shower or thunderstorm" topped off by "celebrate good times who hoo."  We decide to play the highway alphabet game and we make it to Y. No z for us today even though we went through the alphabet twice the day before.  Fewer exits and lighter traffic, but there was corn and classic rock.  The temperature quickly climbed to the 100's and we later saw 103.  And its pretty breezy... Enough so that the concentration level required to keep Priscilla between the lines is elevated.  The speed limit is 75 but I try to keep it around 70 with most of the trucks.

At some point in the day we time travel back again to one pm in the afternoon and the terrain begins rolling, we stop at a Taco Bell because even though there are signs, we now know that taco John's is a lie. Lula goes for a walk and pees next to a sign where words were facing the other way.  as we continue our walk we turn to read the sign that says "pets not allowed on the grass. premises monitored by security camera."  Oopsie, lula is probably a wanted dog in Nebraska now.  It's a good thing We hightailed it across into Wyoming.  The terrain changes with rock outcrops and small bluffs. It cools to 99 and nancy considers getting out her hoodie. Still no Z goddammit.

Wyoming proves to be one really really really long uphill grade which lasts well past Cheyenne. Priscilla downshifts quite often and the gas mileage goes out the window with my patience.  The speed limit is 75 but we are having trouble with 55 at times.  After Cheyenne the terrain becomes more rocky and more beautiful. Some clouds begin to build and darken several miles to the north and south of us but  it's ok because we haven't ruled out the possibility of an afternoon shower or thunder storm.  the grade finally tops out at like 8500 above sea level. Then there is a 5 mile long 5 degree downhill grade on which it finally rains after threatening for so long.  Priscilla a actually gains speed on it soon after we make it to Laramie and our rv park that is about a quarter of a mile off the highway but we don't care because there is a gigantic rain bow just off to the north. 

 And there's some of zinnias corn and garden bounty followed by noodles and meatballs. It begins to cool nicely.  There's a poop walk out by the highway which ends with lula trying to make friends with a rabbit who decides he'd rather be alone and hops off to conduct its rabbit business elsewhere.  Lula is disappointed to have not made a new friend but is happy to find that nancy has washed her bedding when we get back to Priscilla.  I begin my post and consider sleep as it has cooled now to the 50s. Nice. 

Is pretty buggy. Priscilla and lula are going to need baths before too long.

Oh. Oh. Halfway there!

Mid west fm radio offers you what seems to be three choices;

Jesus

Country

Classic rock.

That's it, classic rock it is. 

As we draw very close to zinnia, Kearney ( pronounced kar-ney) and half way, some mid wester DJ graces us with Bon Joci and Living on a Prayer.  Too funny.

Prior to that we passed I 70 speedway which was hosting the world of outlaw sprint cars.  I was sorely tempted to ask nancy if we could stop for that but controlled myself.  Then we pass Iowa speedway which was hosting the NASCAR truck series.  We come across many types of care cars on this leg from drag cars to go karts to open trailer road course cars  to dirt modified and one really nice looking dirt car which was probably a street stock type class.  Not sure why someone is putting a new body on a car this late on the season but hey man it looked nice. 

We stop to get gas and discover that the interchange offers only major chain burgers or subway... Pass.  Another hour yields a "taco John" subway or "the embers".  We aim for the taco place but are unable to find it and pull into the embers which is a family owned restaurant offering way huge portions of fried food covered in gravy.  We decide to make an exception because we're on the road.  Overheard conversations.... It's getting hot again (it was approaching 100)... I'm heading off to the spencer fair and a sunburn.... Sounds like a good time.  Indeed.

Lula has to wait in Priscilla but is rewarded with a couple of pieces of deep fried cheese.

We head out and I put my nose to the grindstone to make Kearney Nebraska.  It is suggested that we overnight at a state rec area which turns out to be quite nice.  But it's still in the 90s.  we find a suitable spot with electricity, back in and just after i put the stabilizing jacks down i notice that there is hydralic fluid leaking from the rear drivers side one.  up go the jacks, i will not risk them not going up tomorrow.  they just keep priscilla from rocking during the night....  i fill the water tank and then Zinnia shows up with fresh drinking water, incredibly delicious pizza (a mookie and an American pie) and some fine pear cider.  She has also brought fire wood, corn and some garden veggies.   We share Nancy's last crabbie and tequila. There is much conversation and a campfire.  Then I conked out.

I take lula for a morning walk.

Upon returning nancy has made coffee and the cats think they might want to eat the beaver that keeps showing itself or maybe they want that bird in the tree that keeps saying "waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh."  Yeah.... Probably the bird.

We haven't figured our destination today but i am thinking Cheyenne-ish. I'll probably call the rv dealer for instructions or advice after breakfast.  Were in the land of the pioneers so.. Well... Wagons HO!

Priscilla doesn't like Fridays or Ill annoyed bill.

For some reason Priscilla chooses to act up on Friday afternoons.  I don't even know where to start as I can't seem to locate a beginning.

The days starts with a blog post, coffee and an unsuccessful poop walk for Mizz Lula. Then there's breakfast consisting of a left over half of a bacon turkey bravo from pantera.  There's another poop walk which yielded significant results breaking down camp; retract the awning, dump the black and grey water tanks, lift the stabilizing jacks, close the slide up room and disconnect the power.  We are next door to a rv store so we go over to replace the sewerage connector and the check valve, the guy laughs with me and my newbishness, we get gas and head to the highway.  Some miles later I notice a vibration which very very gradually gets worse at nearly any speed and I make a call to our sales guy who says it sounds like a tire and to stop and get it checked out.  We are a few miles from Iowa still in illinios.  We call an rv place and they say its best to go to a ford dealership that I will not name.  When we arrive I speak with a young kid service clerk who doesn't say a word but just stares blankly at me the whole time.  Just as it becomes his turn to have to say something, A cheerful young woman emerges from an office and asks me if it's an RV and I say yes. Her face turns down and says bill the service manager "don't work on them" because he's been burned too many times but she'll ask anyway.  She and a very red faced bill look out the garage bay and I see him shake his head from side to side.  Clearly he is annoyed and it appears that is is primary nature. I walk out and he doesn't say a word to me but the woman continues to be nice and helpful.  She tells me if "if he wernt here ida worked on it" and suggests some other places.  After another unsuccessful visit to a dealership we head to option 3 which is a few miles down the highway.  The vibration turns to a shake and I know we're in trouble. The passenger inside tire begins to chunk and I was told that we could drive on it slowly.  We call back to option three and they tell us just to go to the tire place they are going to use anyway.  It is very very stressful in the RV and all communication is difficult it is hard not to remember what happened last Friday afternoon and we really don't want to loose another two or three days.  Nancy calls the tire place and we limp there at the highway minimum of 45 mph.  Upon arrival we are greeted and ushered into a drive through garage 

where the mechanics are cordial but are clearly uncomfortable outside of their social circle.  

They won't make eye contact but they do smile when they speak of beers.

Nancy and lula wait patiently after seeking some shade from the very dry Midwestern heat.

The tire is changed with little wasted motion 

and we are back on our way after a gas stop.  It's an hour or so to "sleepy hollow" which turns out to be a literally a Stone throw from the interstate.  There's a tequila cocktail for each of us, a walk for the dog and then i decided id update my apple id from the verizon address.... big mistake... bed.

Yes these sites are terraced. Just when I was beginning to thing everything was flat here.

Today's observations?

The stark contrast between annoy a bill and his delightfully helpful service manager.

I shall try to remember to choose my favors carefully.

I was told that I'd get more help in Iowa by the rv guy, man he wasn't kidding.

IvE always wondered who put the annoy in Illinois, now I may have an insight.

Oh and at some point of the journey we time traveled back an hour.

Apple ID changed. Check

Happy half birthday to my nancy!

Today hopefully Nebraska and half way.

$25

Twenty five dollars in tolls to get through Ohio? Really?

On an interstate?  One of those roads that gets federal dollars?

Tolls? whats next... ill have to answer three questions to get through indiana?  Geez.

Welcome to the heartland?

Well at least the driving was much easier with everything being... Um... Well... Really pretty flat but at least gas is much cheaper.

Today and yesterday we learned that;

the pronunciation of the city or town of du bois is "doo boys" and high school sports are reported on the radio even down to cross county. Yikes.

The Ohio road crews shut down miles and miles of perfectly good highway feigning "road work" with nary a construction vehicle in sight.

Panera at a truck stop is way better than subway but subways are much more plentiful.

We sort of miss satellite radio.  

I hate those commercials on fm radio where the yell at you.

Country music stations are the loudest... Gah.

There is an RV museum and hall of fame.

The cats can be on the bed at night but everyone sleeps better if lula gets on the bed in the morning.

On our way leaving Hubbard we ran into jean at the grocery store 

"Brian, I think I see jean heading this way. I hope she has cookies."

she stopped by the rv to greet lula and told us some more delightful stories. Especially funny was the story of Mizz Dorothy the rather plus sized southern belle who thought the sound of the night freight train was a tornado and wedged herself into a small shower enclosure seeking safe shelter and had to be extricated with the assistance of a quart of baby oil.  She said she doubted the truth of the story as it was told to her by Mizz Dorothy's husband.  But then the story was retold to her by Mizz Dorothy herself several days later with all the right details.

So we find ourselves in the Elkhart campground surrounded by RVs and without the charm of chestnut ridge.   The water here looks pretty iffy.

The view off of the poop deck shows a sea of RVs in all directions.

Today we try to make the Des Moines area after we replace some rv items (universal sewerage hookup elbow and the thingie that protects priscilla from high water pressure) that i left behind in true newb fashion.  The RV dealership people told me that might happen.  Here buy these things, you'll need them but being a beginner, you'll probably leave them be hind somewhere. Check!

Onward!

On driving and where we meet jean.

 So Pennsylvania, where you trying to tell us something?

We were greeted by a multi mile traffic stoppage due to a wreck involving four semis.  Fortunately we were able to skirt it due to the kind advice of a toll taker (a fair trade for the 5.25.). Just as we were exiting pa we encountered another stoppage which turned out to be a single truck roll over.  Very sobering.  I found myself wondering about the cause, a tired truck driver or maybe a clueless motorist?  Whatever the fault, it's still very sobering.

The skills, concentration and level of awareness couldn't be farther from those of driving a car, particularly on the high way.  We were told it's like driving a house on wheels.  I'm still not sure what that means but I can say that there is a much higher need to anticipate the potential moves, lane and speed changes of other vehicles as well as the geographic variances (curves and grades) because the vehicle reacts to any input so much slower.  I found we were able to go up grades with a little more power than most trucks but that it's usually better not to attempt to pass.  Going down the grades was a completely different story.  Most every truck would go down the hills at a higher speed than I felt was safe so it meant that we passed and were re passed by some of the same trucks many multiple times in our 300 plus mile trek. Which ended at the chestnut ridge campground in Hubbard slo hi oh.

We were met by jean the proprietor who is one of those delightful people that you feel fortunate to encounter during you life's travels.  She greeted lula with some locally made natural (and according to lula) delicious dog treats. We guided Priscilla into her 80 pull through slot and set off to hear more of Jean's delightful stories of the slightly older, out of the way but completely charming campground.  Much different and better than last night.

There are some ultra modern rv rigs as well as some vintage models and tent campers here.

Priscilla, however sits apart on the island of pull thrus.

There is also a pretty stream fed pond which was completely still last night mirroring the trees perfectly in the hours of sunset and where Tim drives his RC speedboat.

So, on with the show.

In the first act lula charmed the audience by chasing a RC airplane belonging to Tim.

The second act saw Napoleon balancing his bulk on the high wire.

And the final act of the evening was Albertito performing vertical acrobatics on the screen of an open window which was then closed. And lula doing several night walks.

Lastly we gave a special morning performance where lula guided nancy through the obstacle maze back to the safety of Priscilla.

What comes today?

We plan on making Elkhart Indiana.

Well see what god thinks about that...

Restless feline

The nature of a cat?

Who can truly know?

Independent?

Opportunistic?

Single minded?

Nocturnal?

Let's stop at that one.

Where albie Albertito wants to explore the outside world in the wee hours of the morning and will not let a puny night screen window shade stop him.

Well he made it through the shade (grabslabbinbagddankinmtherfrunker) doing who know how many dollars worth of damage but was stopped by the window screen and nanky shooing him away and telling him he was a little axe hole. Me? I used the "f" word.

I can just imagine him as he thought to himself with his walnut sized brain.....

"If I stick my claw in... right here... and pull.. this baby should peel open easier than a double plastic lined bag of delicious cat chunks."

Lula sat and watched.  Or maybe she just slept through it (dogs are much simpler in this way as they seem to live in the moment.) however, she did not miss the opportunity to "buff" at the strange night sounds every once in a while which seemed to coincide with the exact moment I was able to achieve sleep.

This morning  lula and I went for a morning walk around the park.  It is a mixture of mobile RVs, RVs turned into cottages and small trailer house cottages.  oh and poison ivy, lots of poison ivy.

We kept our distance and so should you.

The cats have had their breakfast and have returned to their hidey hole lairs to weather the upcoming day's travel and contemplate tonight's revenge.

Priscilla has surgery

The show was dark yesterday but that doesn't mean we weren't active.

The previous nights show was highlighted by our typically exciting feline extravaganza and canine antics.  Lula was disappointed that she didn't receive any questions but delighted children with her comedy routines that are anything but routine.  Mother Nature once again put on a fantastic light and sound display.

Yesterday was spent mostly relaxing, recharging and walking in between the rain showers and thunderstorms.  We had awesome "Asian Fusion" take out for dinner and watched a movie.

Today Priscilla got her post mechanical failure check up and the preliminary results are that her generator starter is drawing far too much current and is tripping the breaker.  So she's having her generator pulled.  I'm told it will at least be an all day affair.   She also has a few other minor maladies that are quick fixes.

LO and behold Priscilla made it out of surgery with just a corroded ground wire and we were on the road heading in the direction of our final destination just after two pm.

New England tried to kick us in the ass with the mother of all thunderstorms which one radar site showed as purple.  The traffic just over the ri ct border was stopped for about a half hour or so.

We made a quick rest stop stop to let lula relieve herself and to grab some....urghhhh McDonald's and powered across the Hudson to panther lake in northwest New Jersey.

Our first night stop over campground found us backing all thirty one feet of priscilla into her slot while  the neighbors serenade us to zamfir or some other mofo playing a pan flute. Thank Christ for a ten pm noise cut off. Only 42 minutes to go.  We may go mad or slip into a coma.

Wish us luck.

Helloooooooooo Millville, Uxbridge and internets!

Good to see you.

Step right up and come right in.

How's everyone tonight?

We should be heading westward from Ohio but instead It's day two of our surprise engagement.

I recognize some faces from last night's show where Priscilla amazed us with her wonderful water show with Mother Nature providing the laser light and sound spectacular.

You saw Albertito the amazing walk the high wire after escaping from the hidden locked box of doom lair.  

Miss Lula Lapinski warmed your heart then entertained you with her zany antics and the miighty Napoleon simply stunned with his famous dagger claws of death trick.  

For those of you who didn't see it, don't worry, not a single drop of blood was shed.

Who knows what will happen tonight after cocktail hour?

There's only one way to find out.

So grab a refreshing beverage from the clubhouse, sit back?.. and now...

on

with

the

show.

Miss Lapinski the advice dog awaits for your questions as part of the first act.

Not so much as the bird flies

So it's been a while...
The West Greenwich domicile that served as base of operations is sold.
It is day two of migration.
Not longitudinal or as the bird flies mind you, but rather latitudinal.
Like side to side or more accurately, east to west (even though we have travelled more north than west.)
The plan for the traveling circus of which i am now a member was to be heading through western Pennsylvania at the very moment of this writing.
Things don't always go according to plan though.
Due to unforeseen events including but not limited to an escaped (and ultimately recaptured) wild cat and mechanical malfunction we find ourselves playing in an industrial park in Uxbridge Massachusetts for a few days or at least until the parts come in.
We shall see what tonight's improv performance holds.
Fun, frivolity and fantastical laughter?
Ferocious howling felines?
A canine cacophony?
Or will Priscilla continue to misbehave?
Time will tell.
Stay tuned, there's always more to come.

I have a guest

a guest blogger that is. you see, i have this uh... friend.. yeah that's it, a friend. let's call her... blue ryder...

don't be a stranger and enjoy..

The Ride of Your Life

Since I was a wee lass, I've never been one to sleep while travelling. From car to train rides, short flights to long, you'll find me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed from start to end.

But in the last month or so, on my many cab rides to and from work, I find myself strangely lulled by the whirrs and bumps of the engine. Even getting strangely aroused by the subtle vibrations. And I find myself trying to catch my breath or strangely relaxed and content at the end of the ride.

With this new trait, I've developed a phobia about jumping into a car with someone else (usually suits with whom I have to go to meetings)in case they catch me getting hot and bothered. And I worry about seeing a day when I might end up making an indecent proposal to my driver - not the 'droolsome' cabbies please. Oh no no no.

Needless to say, commute has been far more satisfying than ever. So maybe... just maybe, the car really is the extension of the penis.

Are you headed my way?

two.. no three things...

...i'd like to find someday... do they exist?

1. the perfect affordable red wine
best to date - grant burge cabernet. a wonderfully fruity and rich cab. it's under $15 but drinks like a $40 - $50 bottle. yum. i can't find it anywhere right now... i have one bottle of 1998 left.. gotta drink it soon. see number three.

2. the perfect power pop band
best to date - arlo. a now defunct cali band... if you like power pop and get a chance to pick up "stab the unstoppable here" DO IT!

3. the perfect lover
best to date - you know who you are.. far and above all the rest...
currently accepting applications.

an omen? naah. just more weirdness

ok i'm driving to trivia at this pretty cool bar called rira tonight and i come to a stop at a light in the city. i look over and i'm stopped next to a cop. she's sitting low in the seat and she looks to have her rather short hair pinned to her head like a second skin. she glances over at me with a look that goes right through me. that's nice, i think to myself, usually the women cops appear to be those ultra butch types. so anyway we're waiting for the light to change and this long dark haired attractive thin woman in tight black leather and heels is crossing in front of us. this is kinda nice scenery, i think to myself and halfway across she notices something on the road and bends to pick it up... i'm thinking to myself... what the freak could be so important that this chick is going to have to accomplish no small feat of near gymnastic skill, poise and balance to pick up what ever it is. all of this quickly goes out of my mind as she bends over and provides us with a "show" and now i'm thinking, hey honey, you might just be getting a little more than you bargained for here... the cop startles both me and her by putting on her flashing lights, you know the blue and red ones. the woman pick the object up, looks up, straightens up and goes along her way. the cop accelerates through the red light... i go on to win trivia.. our team got a weber bbq grill.. what's it all mean i ask you... what's it all mean?

dont be a stranger
brian

TWO posts today! wow a record

responding to boabhansith's book game
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

And they had Sister Suzie the Floozie. She's our latest professional SubGenius preacher and she's great, a very talented writer. She's an ex-stripper.

overheard today

between a woman and her (i'm guessing) 6 or so year old son at the food court in the mall.

woman - come on finish up we've got to get to the card store
kid - i dont wanna go to the card store
w - i didn't ask you if you wanted to go to the card store
k - do i get a toy
w - somebody died i have to buy a card
k - then i can get a toy?
w - (somewhat perturbed) don't you think that's a little self centered?
k - ?????
w - well???
k - (tentatively) so i get a toy?
w - (a little more than perturbed) no you don't get a toy. i need to find a card that says "i'm sorry your uncle died and that you're sad but he's living in heaven with God now having a good time"
k - ...

at this point i couldn't listen anymore because i might have gotten up and told the woman she was a moron. period.

btw... got my eyebrows waxed today... gosh am i good looking.

don't be a stranger
brian

monkey theft....

thought i'd mix it up for a change

micheal jackson calls 366 possible defence witnesses??? are there 366 people in the world that don't think he's a fruit loop? calling kobe bryant as a character witness??? are you fricken nuts?

true story. as i was heading back to work from lunch i see this guy walk out from between two parked cars right into the side of a van... which was moving. talk about dumb luck. emphasis on dumb.

katie you're a dunce. a van plunges 400 feet down a ravine feet off of a slushy road and you ask them if there was any screaming on the way down.... um.. helloooo... anyway, geez don't these people know about guard rails?

the kingdom of loathing a good place for some near mindless fun.. the chat is great too.

i knew this wasn't going to be that easy... but still my hat's off to monkey

damn i need one more funny thing.. think think think. frick.. there's no coffee in this house... that's it. i'm firing the cat. lazy bizzatch.

my appologies to the writers of all the great new blogs who's links i haven't put up yet. but i've got to get to my hair cut appointment... oh the pleasure and the pain

dont be a stranger
brian

fine. go ahead and laugh

Ok. i get my hair cut at this kinda cool place. i go there because the women are all hotties, most of them are quite funny, the price is fair, they are all hotties, they make me look good and they are all hotties. now this one chick usually cuts my hair is running late (I think that she was making a lunch run,) so the owner says "come on over bri and i'll get you started sammi will be back in a minute" whoo hoo... i'm being pampered. so she starts washing and razzing me as she always does (she once pulled up along side my car at a stop light, rolled down her window and yelled “hey! nice blue penis.” (i have a witness to this.)) i notice that one of the other chicks keeps looking at me as in "eye contact." then she walks by three or four times with the same thing going on. so obviously you know there are all sorts of guy thoughts running through my head while vanessa is chatting away washing my hair..
a side note.. i LOVE to have my head rubbed... back to the story.
so finally this chick stops and looks me full in the face... my heart skips and are you ready? here's the discourse

chick #1 – “have you ever had your eyebrows waxed?”
me in shock – “why no”
vanessa – “you know bri you need to get those puppies taken care of.. they are a bit out of control.. you're a good looking guy, but with nice eyebrows... i'd do you.”
me – “oh really, i thought you were attached.”
vanessa – “come on, all of the guys are doing it these days. It’s very metro. just let her do it. you won't be sorry. it doesn't hurt.”

Um… let's stop this right here.. any ladies reading this know that is a lie from the pit of hell... but innocent little me? not a clue.. on with the story

Me – well ok.
Chick #1 – “ok put your head back and relax” (this should have been the second warning sign) she applies warm wax between my browse.
Vanessa – watches intently
Me – “mmmmmm”
Chick #1 – applies cloth thing to wax
Me – “that feels really go…”
Chick #1 – pulls cloth in one quick maneuver seemingly ripping the entirety of my forehead from my face
Me – “Shhhhhhhhhhhiii - OOOOOWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
Vanessa – laughing “oh come on don’t be a pussy.”
Me- “holy crap that hurt”
Chick #1 – “awww. it’s not that bad. I get a bikini wax done all the time, can you imagine me at the beach with out one?”
Me - …
Chick #1 – “well?”
Me – “let me tell you that there have not been very many times in my life that I have been speechless but you well…”
Chick #1 – giggles and proceeds to do the tops and bottoms.
Me – “so Vanessa..”
Vanessa – “go sit in sammi’s chair.”
Me - “dang”

what's the point of this?
it doesn't have one...
just go ahead and laugh. but do leave comments!

don't be a stranger

innocent bystander? you be the judge

why is it those people who have nothing at all to say but feel an undeniable urge to spew words from their upper orifices they pick me as a victim? i don't want to be an axe.. i don't want to be impolite.. i do like like communicating with people who are interesting and sure.. ok i know i can be long winded at times and take a side road to get to a point or finish a story but i think i'm interesting.. please tell me i'm not one of those people...

- look man that eye contact was purely accidental not a solicitation for you to enlighten me with dissertations of everything behind why chemical sales are off this year, does my eyes glazing over and you hearing me say "uh-huh uh-huh" every once in a while even remotely sound like i'm feigning interest?

- hey, i was sitting here relaxing, it wasn't an invitation for you to come over and tell me how mitsubishi is in trouble because you think they make crappy cars and they haven't had more than one successful model.. i don't care.. i don't even drive one.. what did you say your name was?... oh gosh did i just ask a question inviting even more vomitous rhetoric.

- come one diarrhea mouth... I asked you how you were doing did that sound like i wanted to hear you tell me the story behind every single thing that you bought your girlfriend's kid for Christmas. so you waited in lines, that was months ago... hey bud, do you know what soliloquy is... this started out as a nice conversation but now i think i gone flatli............ beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........

i seem to be a little grumpy today..
better head back for one of those dale carnegie refreshers

don't be a stranger

so what time is it???

so i'm reading this blog and they mention how they couldn't sleep and post a list. after reading it this morning, i think to myself, hey i couldn't sleep last nite either (i was up well past three.) which gets me thinking about "the night" and how things seem to change. more specifically, how my thinking changes with the nite... up to this point i've made my living using my creativity during the day and i guess i've just now realized how much differently i think at nite. it's when i write almost all of my music.. it's a whole different world, it's mysterious... it's like there is a depth of passion and energy just around the corner waiting for me...
like..
looking at the stars on a crisp nite and think about the infinite
being at the beach listening to the water.. just listening and enjoying the phosphorescence of the waves and the feel of wet sand..
being in the woods hearing the deafening night sounds with your eyes straining to see.. something.. anything.. it's so big... but your box is so small.
going to a small city which empties during the night, thinking about what a contrast that is from the day..
or a large city where there is zest, gusto, fun and laughter to be had among countless people, countless lights...
being in my studio watching the cool lights in the meters jump up and down at my command and the sound of my music in my head...
and that special place after the storm there's a quiet spot in the night where you can trace the lines of your lovers body, feel her warmth, let her scent work it's magic..

the night... sometimes it's so thick that you can almost reach out and touch it.. grab it.. embrace it.

of course the night can suck too...

don’t be a stranger…

'bout fricken time....

ok. so i have some "Free" time on my hands and a friend who owns a butcher shop/deli asks me to go pick up some produce for him (my 2nd vehicle is a pick up truck) and i agree. off i go and nearly get back to the store without any mishap. then this song (by the bloodhound gang) comes on the radio and well.. i've always liked it.. hey its catchy (and if you've read here before and know the song you know why i identify with the song. ) you know the one... the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, the roof, the roof, the roof, is on fire, we don't need no water let the mother (donkey sound effect here so the song can actually get air play) burn, burn mother (donkey sound again) burn. like i said.. it's catchy.. you gotta believe me on this one. so i get back to the store (i don't know why he calls it a store.. it's a butcher shop with an eat in deli,) and i'm singing the song as i'm walking in (the clean version of course and not really all that loudly anyway.) i suddenly notice the place has gone very quiet and i look up to see what's going on an lo and behold it looks like a state fire marshal convention in the place.. seems every fire marshal, deputy fire marshal and arson squad member from the state of Rhode Island is eating lunch in the place.. or rather was eating lunch until i came in singing that stupid song.. now they're all staring at me... what's up with that?

so for you wondering what i've been up to??? not much really but i've missed you.. really.
there is a new song.. lemme know what you think.

Can't you see

don't be a stranger
brian

the first law of karmic replacement dynamics

i'd been working on writing/recording this song for a few days now and i really thought that it had some very good promise. at around two last nite ( actually this morning) the file suddenly began acting in a weird manner... uh oh. can you say fore-shadowing of trouble. yep. if you are as smart as you look, you've already figured that the file has been corrupted and is beyond repair. i hope to be able to recreate most of it as all of the guitar parts seems to be ok. but... i do fear the first "law of karmic replacement dynamics" which states that the difficulty of equally replacing or recreating something decreases exponentially according to how good it actually was....

but you know what they say... law are meant to be broken.

don't be a stranger
brian

oh the things you see when you've forgotten that you do have a camera with you.

i've almost completed my near daily migration to work this morning.. one more side street to navigate... what's this? some guy on a bicycle decides to move from the side of the road to the middle of the road. he's peddling pretty slowly i have no choice but to follow him or run him over... i'm in a good mood so i opt for the former. so exactly why is this blog worthy you ask?... let me tell you.

first - he's taking his dog out for a walk/run/drag. the poor animal just wants to stop and take a leak but is mostly keeping up with him. he's holding the leash in one hand while he pedals about.
second - let me describe his outfit. it was chilly this morning, so he's wearing some thick gloves, a hooded sweatshirt with the hood up underneath his aerodymanically styled bike helmet.
(hello fashion police) over the hoodie is a heavier weight jacket. and he's wearing blue spandex pants. yes. that's right
third- he's over weight and cellulousified. ew.

so here i am doing under ten miles an hour following mr fancy pants... don't you already know that the road is bumpy. his glutius, which is quite maximus has done a good job of swallowing the bike seat upon which it is resting (i think there's a bike seat there,) is jiggling wildly like a piece of jello in an earthquake... right in front of my face... i find myself so caught up in laughing like a maniac, that i don't even bother to blow the horn to get him to more his fat axe so i can get to work.

all i can think is that i wish that i had a camera... it's only after coffee that i realize i did indeed have a camera... butt then again, on second thought, maybe pretty lucky for you that i had forgotten all about it.. because funny as it was... that's not really something anyone wants to see.

so where the lesson here?... good question.

don't be a stranger
brian

is there anything worse than hippies with guitars?

i found myself at this party, quite a nice one... fun, sort of low key but not too low, no roaring drunks, good food, good music, good conversation, a few hotties and darts... people are coming and going and there's plenty of room to mill about. there are all sorts of people even some uh... the best i can describe them as is hippies or maybe hippie wanna bees. you know the sort. sort of dirty, a little greasy, mostly unkempt, near rasta hair, red eyed and smelling of herbs. now this is fine and ok with me... hey everyone has their place.
so anyway, i'm milling about, talking, playing darts and generally having a pretty good time and decide that it's a little stuffy and that it might be time for some fresh air. i decide to head for the porch, a friend notices and warns me, don't go out there. i think to myself what could possibly be so bad out there and decide to ignore his warning. as i approach, a different sort of sound reaches my ears and it almost sounds like music...
but not quite....
needless to say i don't remain very long...
it's the hippie wanna bees...
they're out there...
they have guitars, they almost know how to use them...
(now don't get me wrong here.. i have nothing against guitar players... i own more guitars than i do wearable shoes... and i know how to use them)
but they are singing...
folk music....
wow...
as i head back in and notice someone else is heading out for some air.
hey man don't go out there...
why not?
hippies.... with guitars....
oh. thanks man, i'll go out the back...

don't be a stranger
brian

just say it.. for crying out loud.

with a bustle bustle here
and a bustle bustle there
here a bustle
there a bustle
everywhere a bustle bustle...
holy moly it's that time again
eeek yipe eeek yike oh..

as if our lives weren't busy or complicated enough.
not this year... don't do it.
why not enjoy and take the time to look around and appreciate.
why not look past the flagrant commercialism... tell the cynic in you to just let it go.
do you realy need to be that busy.. that stressed?
why not take the time to thank God for what He has given you..
just importantly why not take the time to tell people in your life what they mean to you or just simply thank them... out loud... with words.

hmm.. too serious?

don't be a stranger
brian

from hotties on the highway to...

the other morning early on in my pilgrimage to the temple of employment, i glance up and receive a pleasant surprise. my word... there is a beautiful woman in my back seat. oh wait my car doesn't have a back seat.... ok so she's in the car behind me.. but she is beautiful... perfect shade of red lipstick (it's the first thing i noticed) great eyes and hair.. in fact as we pass in and out of the sunlight her whole face goes from mysterious to radiant and back again. i haven't seen a woman this stunning in quite some time... and oh, i am having a good day as she's followed me onto the highway and is keeping pace with me (not many people do...) i am so enjoying this experience. we hit traffic and there is a mercedes in front of me and holy moly another beautiful woman... traffic slows to a snails pace. no matter... today, i don't care. not one bit. it's a little strange because i'm not usually one to tease myself with situations that i'm pretty sure have no future... but for some reason i am just truly enjoying the commute today. as traffic starts to move again i get the feeling that the old grease ball oriental looking guy in the car to my right (which is so dirty i'm wondering how he's seeing out of those unbelievably cloudy windows,) wants into the left lane. sure enough he makes an asinine banzai move cutting off miss radiant behind me... dang... well, ok. there is still miss mercedes 2004... but not for long because within a minute some guy who looks like he might be a religious follower of the pro wrestling circuit nearly takes the nose off of my car as he puts his dent ridden rust bucket pos van right in my path... i use a bunch of brake and the horn to voice my displeasure at having gone from being surrounded by beautiful women to being turned into the meat in a fugly sandwich... stuck between mr. hoo flung poo and haystack callhooligan. well... it was nice while it lasted. there you have it.. from hotties on the highway to becoming the meat in a fugly sandwich... i've followed my own advice and have decided to just be thankful and enjoy the moment. you know, i still haven't forgotten miss radiant's face, come to think of it it is one the just might inspire a song.. i think i might get to work on that.

dont be a stranger
brian

waiting for something exciting to happen...

so, what are you doing?
I went to see "the incredibles" yesterday and it actually inspired a few thoughts to pop into my brian... mr incredible steps out of his car and in a sort of fit of frustration picks up a car into the air and this little kid in the audience hollers (in a cute little kid voice) "WOW! he's really strong!" it was good for a laugh and a thought of how amazing the innocent wonder of a child can be and how easy it is to loose that... the wonder of a new discovery, a moment, a song, a sunset, a special someone, the butterflies of being in love... lesson one.
ok so, back to the movie. as the car is in the air, mr incredible notices a kid on a trike watching him. so he puts the car down. the next time he comes home the little kid is there watching him. mr incredible asks, "what are you doing?" and the kid says.. "waiting for something exciting to happen." well that sort of stopped me. isn't that where i am... waiting for something wondrous and exciting to happen? why can't i take more time to appreciate the things around me? the things that God has put on my path to enjoy? Him, my daughter, friends, a moment, a laugh, a song... instead i find myself almost selfishly hoarding my moments in an attempt to save them for the "next big thing." foolishness, i tell you. oh i'm sure something big will happen sooner or later, hopefully it's a good thing, and now i'll try to remind myself not to miss too much along the way.
so, what did you say you were doing?

don't be a stranger
brian

hmm..

my daughter says she has a stomach ache and wants to stay home from church...
she's been in and out of the bathroom all morning.. either she's doing a good job of faking or well.. it's legit. i guess i'll buy it.

dont be a stranger
brian

eyes, smiles and rings... dang

i hear "they" say that the supermarket is a good place to meet women... for the purposes of this entry, i'll not hypothesize about who "they" are as we've all been there before and besides i'm sure my friend jay can probably scientifically prove that "nobody" knows anyway.
so... i don't know anyone who's had any degree of success at the grocery store... i know i certainly have not. now don't get me wrong there have been instances of flirting but.. eh.. it usually goes something like this:
a. ooh she's attractive and looks like she might be fun to get to know.
b. a casual look to the cart or basket reveals that it is not overloaded with "family" type groceries.. a good sign.
b. hey, she noticed me and has given a little eye contact and a smile.. the flirt-o-meter starts chiming.
c. i smile back... hey, if an attractive woman smiles at you.. you best be smiling back... well, if you're single and available (which i am)
d. now for the part that always kills me.. a quick glance to her left hand.
e. so far.. it never fails... i see rings...
f. smile again and keep going... dang...

well, time to do a little grocery shopping, wish me luck...

don't be a stranger
brian


ultra cool artist... i actually have one of his awesome prints

more fingers than teeth

punkin chunkin woo-eee...
now let me tell you that i had the pleasure of attending this event and it was quite a blast... literally. who in the heck would've thought that over 40,000 people (me included) would go to see... um... i'm not sure if this is the right word.. "people" launch/fire/shoot a 10 lb pumpkin anywhere from about 50 feet to almost a mile... holy crap! and i drove over 7 hours to do so. it all started quite innocently with me telling a friend of my most recent girl woes and ended with her inviting me to "punkin chunkin." there are really no words to describe this place... it's backwoods farm country delaware and an unbelievable mix of people; sandal wearing vegans, yuppies, engineering geeks, bubba in his overalls, mulleted child molester moustache bearers, beer guzzling fat chicks with 7 kids hangin on, under aged drunken hotties showing what they got, the crisply dressed butch megalomaniac southern policewoman who prolly did goebbles one better, the inbred redneck with more fingers than teeth and me.... again holy crap... who'd a thunk it. as for the machines... well.. the cannons and and the machines are indeed impressive with the amount of engineering that it takes to propel a pumpkin from about 50 feet to well over 3/4 of a mile with stored energy. in my book it was the adventuresome that were the stars of the show.. from the bicycle powered swinging arm with that launched a 20 or so pound pumpkin straight into the crowd (no injuries.. everyone saw it coming and had enough room to run) to the trebuchet that flung a pumpkin about 300 feet straight up into the air only to smash into the machine next to it. wham!!... hehe.
now let me 'splain something... i've been to county fairs but this was WAY over the top... another friend from a town called scratch ankle in alabama (no i'm not making this up) insists that i take his video camera (i don't own one) to capture this event... so here i am i'm walking around this gathering of pumpkin launching enthusiasts like a true nerd with camera, bags and a video camera strung from my neck... strung like he rockkafella place christmas tree and i am so caught up in this extravaganza that i shoot about 15 minutes of video and i take only one fricken picture. impressive eh? maybe i'll even post it. ok so i didn't actually take the photo of that "woman" with more fingers than teeth.. but she was really there.. i just thought that she'd kick my axe if she caught me taking her picture.....

don't be a stranger
brian

btw thanx cedia for the inspiration of a mystery idea

mystery link in honor of cedia

went AWAY for the weekend...

look for the new post soon.. maybe tonite
here's the teaser..
can you say
punkin chunkin??
heh

don't be a stranger
brian

ooh.. sparkly...

started to write a post last nite....
someone waved something shiny in front of me (a phone call,) chatted with an AIM buddy and then it was time for music practice.. another phone call and .. oh i needed sleeeeeep. so i'm still alive.. and maybe that post wasn't that good anyway. consider yourself lucky..

don't be a stranger
brian

ying yang and need a name

my daughter and i were out for a little trick or treat action and of course we came across all sorts of people; nice, nasty, pushy, those in need of ca-andy and those filling that need... but the best thing we saw was this little kid, he was tiny, couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 and he's dressed all in black including shoes and hood except for this truly gruesome green mask... now the good part is that he's skipping alongside of his father singing some unintelligible happy little kid song in his cutest little voice...

Oh man... this kid's really got something here... he apparently has all of his crap together. much more so than i... i stop dead in my tracks thinking to myself that he's indeed a master. he's got the whole ying yang thing all worked out... perfect balance... i ought to take lessons. wonder what he charges?

speaking of singing... i've done some more work on that song. please give it a listen and let me know what you think.
also, i'm trolling for names for it.. how about a suggestion or two?

download song here

don't be a stranger
brian

c.) all of the above -or- this old blog

well, i have not been doing this blog thing for that long but i'm finding it's done me some good.
1. i get to either vent, make a statement, have a little fun or maybe c. - all of the above, as the mood strikes me.
2. in doing the above i get to organize my thoughts and hopefully somehow enhance the lives of others.... i like that
3. speaking of others.. this is where it gets weird because i, like many others (i'm guessing,) have formed a gang of aquantences or maybe friends even. how does this happen.. i know these people mostly by swapping text.. to me, a hands on kinda guy, if find that odd. heck some of them i don't even know what they look like. well. they don't know what i look like either.. that clown in the corner is not me.. it's buster my main man. so who are some of these people?
howard who is a gem of a man both wise and creative. i love him
bryan - honest, goofy, creative, genuine, serious and wants to be in love... we could be kindred.. time will tell
cedia - the hot yet married boot wearing eastern babe with a great sense of humor.. i'll have you know that's 4 for 5 in things that i really like in a woman... got any sisters?
aaron and amber - two seperate souls struggling to serve God despite their own short comings, both closer and wiser than they might think.
eleses - i read his writing and can't help but think that we share much... i almost feel sorry for him.. lol
monkey - this guy keeps a very interesting and diverse blog... is that how his brain works?

there are of course others but these are the people who i've made connections with.. thanks guys.

don't be a stranger
brian